Musings

Matthew 7:15-20 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

I am going to try and remember this everytime I find myself "trippin" as it was so aptly dubbed...

It got to a point where I prayed about it, and the next day God literally moved me, out of nowhere, from one work location to another.  I've never experienced such an in-my-face answer to a prayer before. Though I can't say I never looked back, because I definitely did.  ...A couple months later, I prayed again, and now it's back.  I keep praying that my desires be God's desires.  I know it's there for a reason, but the reason is beyond my current understanding.  

I've come to realize I cannot help how I feel, but I can help what I do.  I will not act, I will merely play the "wait and see" game.  Still going with the flow, to speak.  And apply the verse above.  How often was I there when you needed me, as much as I had a capacity to be, and then how often were you there for me?  I want to say I'm not an idiot, but being stuck in this feeling makes me feel like I am.  Let's just say I'm not being an idiot blindly....I see through you. 

An Historical Weekend

I feel as though I've just lived through a very historical time of life...this may sound cheesy, but oh well.  Like I'm going to look back at this weekend and tell my kids about it.  The "Royal Wedding" and the announcement of Osama Bin Laden's death all at once! 

As far as the royal wedding goes, no, I didn't watch it (I was sleeping before getting up early to go to work), but I did DVR some highlights that I will watch later at my leisure.  I am interested in it despite being an American, perhaps because I'm in the middle of planning my own wedding, but I think mostly because I can remember being little and hearing about Princess Diana and Prince Charles and about William and Harry.  I had paper dolls from Princess Di's wedding.  I really wish I knew what happened to those....  I also remember her death, and how horrible it was, and then watching Prince William grow up to be a hottie (I'll admit I thought once or twice how sweet it would be to become "Princess Suzin" even though it would never happen). 

And as far as Bin Laden's death goes....Yay for America, yay that one more terrorist is gone from this world, who knows how many lives have been saved...but also will this trigger some huge negative reaction?  Should we really be rejoicing in the death of another human, no matter how depraved they are?  It's a confusing and difficult thing to ponder.  I do remember the morning of September 11, 2001 quite vividly.  I remember I had a 7:50 a.m. Spanish class, how tired I was in it, and how glad I was when the prof let us out a few minutes early.  I planned to go back to sleep once I got to my dorm room.  I got back to Shatford Hall, climbed the stairs to the third floor, and at the very top of the stairs, first room on the left is the tv room.  Someone was in there watching tv that early and I remember pausing, thinking about going in there to see what was up, thinking "these people are crazy to be watching tv so early when they could be sleeping!!!" and then walking halfway down the hall towards my door.  And for some strange reason the thought popped in my head, "what if something horrible and life-changing has happened and that's the news coverage of it they're watching."  I turned back and went in there, fully expecting to be wrong and see a re-run of A Baby Story playing, but instead I saw the first tower burning on tv.  I saw the second plane hit.  I saw people screaming and running in the streets of NYC.  I saw people in windows.  I saw people jumping out of those windows because that was the only way to escape the flames.  I saw buildings fall.  City workers running back into the dust rescue one more person.  I heard about the Pentagon, and being worried for Bethany's father who worked there (my suitemate).  I heard about the plane going down in Pennsylvania, and worried for Meredith's (my roommate's) father who was in the process of moving the family to a town eight miles from the crash location.  Somewhere in the middle of all the news coverage, I went down the hall and got Meredith and told her what happened, and she didn't believe me.  I had to make her come down the hall with me. 

So I guess when my kids want to know where I was when I heard that Bin Laden I'll have to say, "I was sitting in front of the computer tooling around Facebook when all of the sudden ten different people updated their statuses at once regarding Bin Laden's death, and I checked CNN.com and it wasn't even being reported there yet.  Someone else updated it was on MSNBC.com so I went there and got up to watch the news coverage on tv.  So basically I found out through Facebook."

scaring the crap out of myself

i was on my way home from work a couple of nights ago, and the first leg of the journey for me is to drive down river road between 32 and 146th street, which is a fairly dark and abandoned stretch of road (just some gravel pits and gravel-pit related companies)...part of the road has very sharp turns.  and when i was driving a couple of cars came around those turns pretty quickly, just headlights in the dark zooming past me on the rough pavement.  and after they passed, i thought to myself (in all caps), "what if those weren't cars?!" 

which would mean they were aliens or something, which is a scary thought when you're alone in the dark, far from anyone who could help you not be abducted by aliens.


true story.

my favorite poem

i've probably posted this before, but that's fine.  here goes.

"the Lesson of the Moth"
by archy (Don Marquis)

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional thing for moths or
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish

there was something i wanted

as badly as he wanted

to fry himself

i stole this from a yogurt commercial, of all things.

Plain was the same as it ever was the same.
Plainly plain…
Samely same…
But then…someone lit the flame.
Plain rode away on lion’s mane.
Where plain met fruits with strangely names.
Such wonderful things they did contain.
A shot of life to a hungry vein.
The captive beast who broke the chain.
And there upon that fruited plane,
is where plain became what plain became.
So much more than more than plain. 
Plain will never be the same.

ouch.

 "Silencer" by mewithoutyou

Don't waste your lips on words I've heard before
Kiss my tired head.
And each letter written wastes your hand, young man
Come and lead me to your bed
You gave me hope that I'd not lost her
And then thought it rather strange to see me smile-
as I don't do too much smiling these days.

She put on happiness like a loose dress
Over pain I'll never know
"So the peace you had," she says,
"I must confess, I'm glad to see it go."
We're two white roses lying frozen just outside his door
I've made you so happy and so sad,
But which should I be more sorry for?

Come kiss my face goodbye,
that space below my eye and above my cheek
Cause I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness
And I shall be released.
I'll pass like a fever from this body,
And softly slip into his hands
I tried to love you and I failed,
But I have another plan.

My Lord, how long to sing this song?
And my Lord, how muchmore of this pretending to be strong?
When she stands before your throne
Dressed in beauty not her own
All soft and small, you'll hear her call
"you brought me here, now take me home."

walls

we keep stacking bricks up and then taking them down.  and then stacking them up again.

we're building something, but then we destroy it. 

could we just decide what we're doing here?  is this construction or destruction?