all the !%#@ money can buy

we fall down
we lay our crowns
at the feet of Jesus
the greatness of
His mercy and love
at the feet of Jesus
and we cry Holy, Holy, Holy
is our God

theres people that disagree with what i've done this past week. but there's not that many of them, and they don't even know me ! all i know is i am at peace with God, and that's going to get me everywhere and everything in life.

i've never had to sacrifice and suffer for something i believed in before. i read the stories about martyrs and people who died for God, i heard about Cassie Bernall....i never thought i'd lose friend for my beliefs, especially friends who were supposed to have the same beliefs. now i get personally attacked and other people are fed half-truths and lies about me. i guess i'm making quite a name for myself by standing strong in my convictions. as long as it glorifies God....

i dont know who all reads this, i dont think its that many people, and i'm pretty sure none of them really care to know who it is that hates me now. coz that's not the point. i'm not here to spread gossip and ruin someone's reputation. this journal is about me, its a place for me to goof off, or, if need be, to blow off steam. and i needed that. i chose to blow off steam and keep things anonymous rather than to gossip and blab to everyone in my life, especially to those who would Know. and yes, i admit i was weak enough that i wanted to. but i didn't.

so here's a message to you, "Anonymous"....

I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. IT'S NOT WORTH IT ANYMORE. I have better things to pour myself into than a dead plant. I'd rather tend the vines and flowers that are growing and that have a chance to be something wonderful.

You're dead to me. There's nothing I can do to help you. You've been ignoring me for months anyways. What I say to you goes in one ear and out the other. I was your "friend" in name only.

and you know what, I wasn't even writing this to you with the intention of you reading it. I was writing what i didn't want to say to you, but stuff that was still inside of me needing to get out. and i needed it somewhere i knew i could read it again.

dammit, i'm tired of being forced to defend myself when all that will happen is my words and actions get twisted in someone else's twisted mind. nothing is worth this. NOTHING.


.........don't feed yourself with satan's lies. try the truth next time.........

current mood: pissed off
current music: who needs music when you've got new enemies?