in my humble opinion....

in my humble opinion.... *if you dont think a guy is worthy of fathering your child, then you should have the good sense to keep your legs together. *if you dont want people thinking youre a slut, then you shouldnt be having sex with any guy who is willing to call himself your "boyfriend" *if you're going to be sleeping around and only using birth control sporadically, then you should realize youre probably going to end up pregant again *if you already cannot afford your lifestyle, cannot afford to have another child, yet could never fathom giving a child up for adoption, then DONT HAVE SEX. *if you were stupid enough spread your legs, then you are already committed to carrying any resulting baby to term and giving it life ladies and gentlemen, YES, suzin can't stand "the abortion issue." the Bible is pretty freaking clear about it.... "I was born a sinner--yes, from the moment my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5.....yep, life begins at conception "Murder is forbidden." Genesis 9:5...well, that was blunt. this past week, someone called me up and asked me to continue to be her support....since she's getting an abortion. i am enraged. i know i'm supposed to hate the sin, and not the sinner. but i cant figure it out. how am i supposed to support her in this? killing babies goes against everything i live for and love. and as my friend for 6 years, i would expect that she'd automatically know that. that's one of those big things you'd know about a friend. like their first name. or birthday. their stance on murder. hmmm. guess she hasnt really been paying as much attention to my life as she's forced me to do to hers. hasnt it always been this way though? focus on her, not me? "drop everything and come to my house, i'm holding a bottle of pills to my mouth and i'm going to swallow them, i promise." you know, the first three or four times i heard that on the phone i was scared, upset, nervous....but somehow, when it became a weekly occurance that summer, i started to doubt her. and since that summer she's been referring to the "other time i abandoned her." i'm supposing she means the letter i wrote her questioning whether or not she was really suicidal. i asked her if it was a way to keep her parents together, a way to get attention, and if she even realized she didnt mean it. and i think i said something about it not being fair to everyone else. i prayed about that letter before i gave it to her. i never left, i was always there. how did i abandon her? yeah she got mad, who likes seeing their faults on paper? but she later admitted that i had been right. yet i still "abandoned" her? i'm confused. i spent 5 nights a week at her house that summer. so that she felt better. so she wasnt lonely. i dont understand the abandonment issues. and since high school's over its been all about her too. every time she's called in the past 2 years its been about her boyfriend(s), her pregnancy (thats understandable, though), her school problems, her sex life, her screw ups...and it keeps going. basically an "update" of our friendship over the phone consists of her calling on the way to work (she gets bored driving, i guess) or during a break (when no one else answers their phones she calls me), tells me all the stupid stuff she's done since we last talked, i tell her how stupid it is and why, she agrees and promises to stop. then one of us has to go. guess what. next time, its worse. plus, she's starting to suffer the consequences from before. like the time she met this great christian guy, but then started sleeping with her ex while she was dating the new guy. needless to say, he was gracious about it and theyre still friends, but its never going to be more than that. the great christian guy knows better. good for him. did she honestly think that springing the news of her upcoming abortion on me was going to be okay with me? i'm a christian. she knows that. every time i hear about her stupid screw ups i say something about God. i tell her i'm praying for her. and i do pray for her. i go to a christian university, i'm surrounded by christian friends, i spend all my free time with a local youth group, i'm a youth ministry major....where does me supporting abortion come from? how in God's name did she ever get that idea? and when i tell her i cannot support or respect this decision, she attacks me personally. apparantly i am too dramatic, like my mother *snort*. that's a good one. she's met my parents. the dramatic one is dad. duh. he majored in it in college. oh, and even better--i let my parents make all my decisions for me. HA! thats just about the farthest thing from the truth. let's see. i wanted to stay on campus all summer, all three parents asked me to come home. for two months my mom "suggested" it would just be better if i came home anyway instead of looked for a job up here. yet somehow when i went against their wishes and stayed all summer, they made that decision for me? or how about when i picked what university i went to, i'm pretty sure that was all me as well. or when i got my job at pizza king. i made that decision. when i decided to start dating joe. thats me too. what church to get involved in. what major at school. what classes i take. who i talk to. who i spend time with. what i watch on tv. what books i read. what my screenname is. what clothes i wear this morning. where i buy my gas. where i go grocery shopping. what brand of milk to buy. ME. thats not living in my parents shadow or under their thumbs. thats living on my own. thats reality. and she's always quick to find ways to show me i dont live in "reality." yeah, i guess since i didnt get knocked up and i learned how to keep my legs together, obviously i dont live in reality. since i go to church each week and pray and worship God, i dont live in reality. since i dont have a child and have never given birth, i dont live in reality. (and by the way, if i did have a child and another on the way and have as little money as she, i wouldnt blow my cash on acrylic finger nails or expensive clothes). since i dont date ghetto black guys and listen to rap music i have no clue what reality is. i live in some bubble where nothing bad happens to me. my grandfather isnt dead and i still have a best friend, my parents arent divorced, i was never used and abused by rafo and then tossed aside when the wonderful Karen Weaver decided she was single, i never had mono, i never had a tumor in my chest, therefore i've never had surgery, i'm not anemic or hypoglycemic, i'm in perfect health, perfect shape, i have the perfect friends and the perfect life, joe and i NEVER fight, i dont have to work for my grades, i have money falling out my butt i'm so rich so no worries about college or my future, all my kids at youth have perfect lives too, so i dont have to get involved or upset over their drug and sex problems, their depression and suicidal tendencies...my friends/teachers have never killed themselves, my mom is NOT slowly going insane and life when i go home is fricken PEACHY. yep, she's right. i have no problems. i dont know about reality. i have no freaking clue. none. coz reality ALWAYS involves teen pregnancy and my dad being a divorced pastor. any other life would be fake. well, i've definately opened a gaping wound there. at least i blew off some steam. and you know what? its her decision to talk to me or not. i've left the ball in her court. she could return my phone calls and emails if she wanted. but i am not going begging after her just to be treated like @#%! again. i honestly don't think i'm going to miss it. i just miss what i thought it was a few years ago. but there's nothing today that i'm missing. i just feel sorry for that little girl. i'm looking forward to what God has in store for me this year. i'm glad to have no reality but His. i dont need Satan's lies, just God's truth. friends may come and go, but i'm going to be okay. i've got the best reality out there. the best friend there ever will be. i'm willing to live in His shadow, let Him make my decisions, let Him plan my life and future.

current mood: cynical