sometimes you have nothing to fuel you but blood, tears, and lightning

i'm deeply saddened right now about the news regarding elijah rench.  i used to volunteer in a youth group in hartford city, indiana, and he was "one of my kids," as i lovingly refer to my old HCWC students.  my former mentee (is that a word?  well it is now) brittany has been keeping me up-to-date on the situation (she kind of has a front-row seat).  i'm sad to hear he attempted suicide, and was taken to the hospital where there was hope he might make it, but as days progressed the hope faded away and monday 11/29 the decision was made to take him off life support, and now it's just a waiting game for his passing. 

eli, you were always good for a laugh.  i wasn't especially close to you, but you were always up for fun, always had a big goofy grin on your face, and found a way to keep everyone around you laughing.  i'm praying for you, your family, and loved ones, and i'm crying tears for your pain.  i hope you find the peace you were looking for.  i wish i could hug you.


..............................................................



i feel like i missed something somewhere, i feel like something is incomplete and unfinished and it's too late to go back and smooth the wrinkles.

oh, so that's how it's going to be now.


an incomplete poem (because i cannot be that vulnerable, i'm sorry):

and i have stars in my eyes
lightning in my veins

and you knew

and i'll always come back
to you in the stars and the dark
and the lightning


oh jesus, this is my heart's cry.  i wish so many things right now.  but at the same time i'm afraid to wish, because i got what i wished for and maybe that ruined it.