The Law of Bagels

so, as you can probably deduce from the previous entry, i was cruising around the ol' company website to see what i could see, and while i was checking out the beyond cheesy (in a bad way, not a Wisconsin way) internet commercials for the dippin strips pizza i discovered i was insanely hungry. and pizza was not an option. in fact, i did not have many options.

pretty much all i had to work with was a little bit of rice, some cheddar cheese, bagels, hummus, and mere's peanut butter. (the raspberry preserves were out because they had lots of seeds, and i am not a fruit person, so that became a major deterrent).

i opted to go ahead with the so-called plain bagel with the sexiest spread ever, peanut butter.



and now to the learning segment of the post -- "plain" bagels...there's no such thing.

something i've noticed in the past 22 years or so that i've been eating food is that plain bagels somehow take on characteristics of the food they're stored near. whenever i eat bagels at home, the plain ones are kept near the weird raisin and other junk ones in the pantry, and the plain bagels cease to taste plain and become weird raisin and other junk bagels that should only be eaten with breakfast.

and then this week i decided to live dangerously and swiped for a bag of plain bagels in wildcat. i took 'ums home, and the first one i ate was SWEET. plain bagels shouldn't taste that sweet. same with my current peanut butter bagel...it's not plain. it's sweet. i cant remember what other flavors were stacked nearby. but there should be laws against allowing bagel flavors to mix 'n' mingle.


i think we should spend a little less time trying to find the elusive cure for the common cold, and a little more time inventing a plain bagel that stays plain.




(the Christian lesson for aaron: you're the bag of plain bagels on a grocery shelf full of exotic flavors. don't let the exotic flavors tempt you and change your flavor. you stay plain bagel. it's what Jesus would probably do.)