grrrrr

im pretty frustrated.

youth ministry aint all fun n games, sportsfans.

there's a student....we'll call them "Smitty" for anonymity...that i've been pretty focused on the past few months. mentor/mentee kind of thing. yep. and smitty's gone thru it all--when we started they were into drugs, sex, and self-mutilation. and through a lot of different ways God has led Smitty to being free of all those things. but now Smitty's got a real big spiritual battle (not as self-destructive as the rest). and Smitty wants to be on the leadership team, and in the praise band. but this battle is something relatively public, something that no one living like this should be in front of others as a leader for....

i think i've plateaud with Smitty. the relationship is stagnant. its gotten to a point of comfort where i'm not supposed to say things they dont want to hear, like "if youre struggling with that you dont need a significant other right now, why dont you wait awhile to pursue that" or "since so many people know about that, it would be best if you didnt go ahead and join the leadership team right now. those students coming in will get a real bad view of the church if they see you up there, knowing what they know."

so when i say those things, i'm accused:

"u act like ur opinion is always right, and ur always negative, u dont see it from my point of view, u dont give a da[rn] about how what u say makes me feel"

but i do! i do care how smitty feels! thats why it took me so long to say something. and i am trying to see things their way. and i've been so positive lately, and then at the first drop of negativity i get accused. i tell them when theyre doing an awesome job! (i buy pizza galore!) but i'm also not going to ignore when theyre not living up to what they were, or what they should (not perfectionism, no, but how someone at that place spiritually should act).

but i am always right.

just kidding.

maybe.



so i was just frustrated, venting, mad that the conversation with smitty got cut short (smitty couldnt hack it and ran away, throwing back insults).

it smells like hotdogs. i dont like hotdogs. but it smells good for some reason.

dear lord, i must be starving.

current mood: crushed