6/6/06 -- Suzin Style

oh man, 666. we're all going to die. satan.




but seriously, my day today...let's see. my worst nightmare came true. my own personal hell found me. i was sitting on the couch in my living room in indianapolis, indiana. i was watching TLC's "10 Years Younger." the show had been on for maybe four minutes. i reached over to pick up my binder to begin some studying for my manager-type stuff at pizza hut.

not so fast, suzin.


sitting on top of the binder, in all its hairy and long-legged splendor was a giant spider. i've been told he's probably a "wolf spider." every "big" spider i've come across in my life up until 1:00 p.m. on 6/6/06 can now be referred to as puny. this dude was bigger than my hand (with fingers splayed). slightly smaller than the size of my face. *shuddershuddershudder*

now, anyone who knows me well probably knows that i'm hardcore arachnaphobic. I DON'T DO SPIDERS. it's hard enough for me to kill the little guys, and to do so i first must scream like a girl, run flapping my arms against my body to get any other spiders off, and grab the raid and spray like cra-zay. that's just for the LITTLE ones. and that's hard for me.

so with the world's largest spider sitting on my couch, i jumped up and screamed as loud as possible for a few moments, and then tore out of the apartment. i stood outside shaking and crying for a bit. no one was there with me (christy and scott were both at work), so i went to every other door in my building and knocked, hoping to find someone to help. no one was home. desperate, i stood outside on the stoop (no shoes on, panic doesn't leave time for shoes) for 5-10 minutes waiting for someone to walk by that i could ask for help from. no one. finally one man came out of a building 3 down, and i tried to flag him down. that took some work. when i finally got his attention, he indicated to me that he was deaf. mucho forlorn, i just waved him on. nevermind, deaf man. you'll never know the adventure you missed.

i waited and built up my courage to run in and grab the essentials -- car keys and a pair of shoes. i drove to the office and marched in. there were a couple of girls sitting in there and i filled them in on my new couch-mate and my arachnaphobia. they sympathized (poorly), made a few suggestions about cobwebs, and determined that they should call pest control. pest control said absolutely no way can they come until their regular day, friday. FRIDAY. today is TUESDAY. OH HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. the owner of the pest control company suggested that if i find the spider again (oh god, oh god, please strike me down dead), to spray it with hairspray to suffocate it. inside, i laughed bitterly. no fricken way was i hunting this thing with a bottle of hairspray. oh no, i'd live on scott's couch with nothing but the clothes i'm wearing before i'd go back and look at that thing again.

i called scott at work, who agreed to enter the spider's lair to retreive my work clothes, but refused to be the "spider bomb squad" for me (some knight in shining armor, huh). he did his minimal duty, and we went back to work. while it was slow and the managers were having their meeting, i called my dad to update him on my life (he suggest that due to the date the spider was really a demon. i guess that would require a priest to vanquish it) and he suggested i call adam for help.

i totally had myself convinced that no way would adam help. i called, he kept saying "free pizza, free pizza" before i could even say "Hi, i hate spiders." i got my story out, asked him to go on a spider hunt, and all i had to do was make him a free large pizza!

I LOVE MY BROTHER!!!!!!!

adam and his friend sean sallied forth into the lair of the beast, and found him still sitting on the couch. they caught him with a pizza hut cup and brought him back alive. the monster then became property of al jurgurtis, who plans to use him for fish bait. he stayed in the cup all night in the back of al's truck, and came out occasionally to be a visual aid to accompany the crazy story of the day.

what i love about it is that everyone thought i was exaggerating about the size of this thing. and as soon as it showed up, they all agreed with me. bigger than my hand. it was often referred to as a "big mother f*****" and i was told by many a boy that they would've been scared silly as well.


i considered photographing it to put on my blog, but before even realizing that my digital camera was at home, i but the kibash on that. i don't like looking at pictures like that. they give me the willies. so tough. imagine it, kids.






oh, and the first clue that i lived with horrible monsters was that about a week ago jezebel started sporting a big bump on her eye (it's gotten bigger, and scabbier) that seemed like some sort of spider or bug bite. so i think she ran into this guy, and it ate her face off. ok, she tried to play with him and he just didn't play nice. he won that round. but i hope al wins in the end.