so this one time, josiah stopped by my house after being orientated so he could give me directions to his wedding, and i was all like, look at my fish in a blender. look how its not plugged in any more. look at me plug it in. look at me press buttons.
and i've been doing this for four years. i've had many a pet fish (just ask meredith) and i've kept lots of them in the blender, simply for the shock value. the blender has always been broken. heck, you can plug it in and press all the buttons you want -- i know i have. nothing happens.
dun dun dunnnnnnn.
until tonight.
i pressed the button, AND THE BLENDER.....BLENDERED. it was pretty much the scariest thing ever.
especially what with the fish being IN IT AND ALL.
luckily for the fish, he didn't get sucked into a swirling vortex of death and mutilation. there's a cap part that can pop out of the lid, and it fits perfectly over the blades so i've always kept it there just in case the fish get suicidal and start swimming into the blades. that saved him. i don't even think he got startled much.
but if he HAD gotten sucked into that vortex, here's pretty much how it would've gone:
LaGatita0007: i was showing josiah my fish 'n' a blender
Jon G Zoolander: what
LaGatita0007: and how it doesnt work when plugged in
Jon G Zoolander: and he turned it on
LaGatita0007: because it HASNT for FOUR YEARS
LaGatita0007: i've done this OVER AND OVER AND OVER
LaGatita0007: and it TURNED ON
Jon G Zoolander: oh boy
Jon G Zoolander: did it kill the fish?
LaGatita0007: the good news is because i put the little measuring cup thing from the cap over the blades, the fish was unharmed
LaGatita0007: he didnt even swirl
Jon G Zoolander: (I'm getting visuals)
LaGatita0007: hahaha
Jon G Zoolander: I pictured the fish getting sucked down to the blades and then being chopped up
Jon G Zoolander: you screaming your head off trying to turn it back off
Jon G Zoolander: but not being able to because you were screaming so much
Jon G Zoolander: the water turning into a red mess
LaGatita0007: hahahahaha
Jon G Zoolander: and you finally getting it turned off
Jon G Zoolander: still screaming
Jon G Zoolander: and jumping up and down with disgust
Jon G Zoolander: and Josiah kind of grinning the entire time
LaGatita0007: oh man
LaGatita0007: and that's totally what would've happened
Jon G Zoolander: yeah I'm good
4 comments:
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is uncanny! This is... whoa.
EEEEEEWWWWWWWwwwwww!
Noah almost turned into orange goo. Or whatever happens when a betta gets chopped up in a blender. Freak out! Dude that blender hasn't worked since forever and now it does!? What in the world is up!? I'd cut the cord just to make sure that Matt or Nathan didn't decide one day to have fun chopping up Noah in his 'fish blender'.
don't give them ideas!!!!!!
and i'm not going to cut the cord. i prefer to tempt Fate.
think of the stories i'll have to tell!
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