pinch exempt/open letter

i think being irish means you're automatically exempt from the "no-green-get-pinched" rule. i'm pretty sure.

and with that said, here's an open letter to the Indiana Wesleyan University Maintenance Men:

Dear Maintenance:

I appreciate what you do for us, really, I do. Otherwise I'd be walking upstairs everytime I had to pee, and that's just too much exercise and effort. Which would result in a soggy desk chair.

I digress.

Do you think perhaps you guys could create some sort of chart or file some sort of paperwork that lets each other know when a job has already been taken care of? This is the second time in a row that someone has come to fix a toilet that's been fixed for a few days. And today, Tim C., you were naughty. I admire your desire for cleanliness in wearing bright blue rubber gloves. And thanks for throwing them in the trash and not on the floor. But I think I heard you drop something (I actually thought it broke, but I haven't seen evidence of that as of yet). AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU SAID A BAD WORD. I'm not positive, however. I heard a crash and I heard you say something in the tone most people use for cuss words, but I couldn't make out exactly what was said. I guess this means you get the benefit of the doubt -- but watch it, mister. I hear a lot of things that weren't intended for my ears. I'm gifted that way.

Thanks for flushing our toilet, Tim C. I'm very grateful for the advice, too, that you wrote on the "Maintenance Was Here" doorhanger. But our problem is not the "length of flush" and therefore holding the handle down 10-15 seconds longer probably won't do much. Our problem is the weakness of said flush. When the toilet is acting up (which it actually hasn't for a couple months), and we attempt a flush, water just moves around the bowl a little and then settles down again.

OH Maintenance Men, we've had so many adventures. From hiding in my fort to hear you freak out over my roommate's obsession with Dr. Lennox, to being unable to hide from the air filter guys only to discover they were Van Halen (they were Van Halen waaaa-aaaay before Sarah decided to take liberties and call them TPG...they're always Van Halen. They always will be Van Halen. It was predestined from the very beginning of time...in the beginning was the Word. It's like that.) You were there during Winter Break when we lived in Carmin...we know because you didn't quite flush everything down (it's ok, readers, it was just some paper) and we took inventory and decided it wasn't any of us. You were there when I was breaking up with Joe. Remember? You flushed the toilet 5 or 6 times and stood outside my door and whistled before you washed your hands and left cheerily.

Maintenance Men, you've always been there for me.

Sincerely Yours,
Spleen