get thee behind me

i'm tired of all this. i'm tired of feeling angry and hurt. i'm tired of caring. i don't even know why the hell i care.

i just hate being misrepresented, and misunderstood as a result of it, i hate my actions being misinterpreted, and i hate being despised because someone won't take the time to climb out of their own self to see others in a different light.

i'm tired.

how the frick am i supposed to approach you? why is a face-to-face conversation the one and only thing that could possibly be interpreted by you as "personal"? i for one see it quite the opposite. what could i possibly say to you? "um, hi. you hate me?" how could any conversation i start be personal? it will all be trivial and meaningless and i'm not going to feel any better about it -- instead i'll feel like i've been humiliated somehow, and made to grovel. and you'd probably leave and still call me immature and stupid and annoying.

there's nothing i can do to make amends in this situation. i try and you refuse to see anything i say or do outside the context you've presupposed it to be in. you've made yourself completely unapproachable, and then you blame me. you refuse to see others because you're unwilling to give any action or move on my part a chance. you've already decided who i am and what i do, and therefore i can never be seen in any other way.

you're replete with self.

not everyone operates the same, or places the same values and judgments in the same things.

you say you want face to face interaction, and then you do your best to avoid it and shut out any possibility.



i'm done with this. i cannot deal with this childish crap anymore.

i was sorry, i tried to make amends, and then you completely misread and twisted everything.

i dont feel i have anything left to be sorry for.