okay, i'll begin somewhere near the beginning.
i got home from work tonight a little after nine. i'd gone to work straight from hartford city & joe's so i had all my stuff in a laundry basket for Dad Month (a solid month of visitation), plus my dinner and work stuff. a lot to carry. but when i got to dad's i discovered there was an official/pro fireworks display being set off right in our very own neighborhood (july 5). so i stood outside with cold spaghetti and watched the pretty lights.
then i had to go inside. and carry stuff.
carrying stuff was okay, i've done it before. no sweat. or maybe just a little one. it was approaching the front door that was hard for me. the closer i got, the worse my life became. pretty soon i discovered i was no longer on my dad's front lawn, heading for the front door and a climate-controlled atmosphere. i was in my private, personal hell. (except rafo wasn't there).
dad apparantly turned on the porch light before he left, like any responsible american home-owner would do. unfortunately, due to this daily habit that many people in our country indulge themselves in, i was plunged face-first into what could have been the set of a horror film.
and i'm still reeling from the onslaught.
upon reaching the front porch i discovered that hundreds of different bugs were swarming my only entrance to the house...june bugs, flies, moths, giant leggy creatures that looked like dragonflies gone demonic (i think they're commonly known as "mayflies")...mainly june bugs. they saw me coming and turned and hurtled themselves straight at my throat. i dropped my armload of pillow and tossed the cold spaghetti into the sky, screaming as i scrambled for the key, trying to unlock the door without allowing any june bugs to crawl down my neck line. the door remained open as i turned around and grabbed for my things, allowing some of the nasty evil creatures to enter the house. once inside i turned off the porch light and aborted plans i'd previously made to go back out for a second load of my things.
and now, hours later, one of the demonic mayfly creatures just attacked me. it used scare-tactics to intimidate me by throwing itself against a nearby wall repeatedly, making fast-paced clicky noises with its wings. i'm ashamed to admit they worked. it landed on a ledge and sat there, taunting me, daring me to make a move. i ran to the bathroom to get the Raid (God bless Raid) only to discover that once i turned my back, it had began following me. then it changed course and flew STRAIGHT INTO MY BEDROOM. stupid, stupid me. i should've shut the door first, THEN gone for the bug spray. he flew around chaoticly in my room, which kept me from being able to approach and aim the spray. finally he landed in a dark corner behind my bed and end table, and i was able to pull off a couple of shots. then he started flying towards me.
i ran.
yes, i ran. squealing. and i havent gone back. i hope i killed him, and i hope he falls in a highly visible place so that i can fall asleep knowing that i'm safe from demon bugs. giant, killer, attacking demon bugs.
then i decide to share my ordeal with my beloved fan-base, and the unthinkable happens. i know, you're expecting another bug attack. something like the mayfly came crawling out of the room, bleeding, and tried to stab me in the back, or fresh troops arrived and started bombarding me. nope. this one comes out of left field. it's a Surprise Ending.
this computer is pretty gay, has lots of viruses and is slow and every ten seconds a bunch of pop ups jump in to distract and annoy (probably coming from the virus). well, i'm waiting for a website to load and i notice a new title on one of the pop ups, but since it's a pop-up i dont care and i'm out to destroy. i clicked on it to bring it to the front so i can close it, and lo and behold the only thing on the pop-up is the logo for Indiana Wesleyan University. HOLY CRAP. here i am, in hell itself, and there's IWU pop-up ads on the internet. and alanis thought irony was rain on your wedding day. little did she know.
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