#459: One weird thing that happened to me was one time I was in a plane that was landing and I suddenly stood up and yelled, "The plane's going to crash! The plane's going to crash!" The stewardess told me to sit down and be quiet, so I did. The plane landed okay, but as we were all going to get our bags, I started yelling, "Our bags aren't going to be there! They're not gonna be there!" But they were, even Strappy. So I rented one of those metal carts to put your bags on, and guess that happened? I crashed into another guy's cart. So that's pretty weird, isn't it?
#308: If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
#300: Instead of a regular arm, Carl had been born with a pigeon's wing. The odd thing was, all through his life, no one had ever laughed at his wing - not even the mean kids at school. Then one day he realized why: He looked in the mirror and saw that HE WAS A PIGEON! He shit right there, as he often did, wherever he was.
#296: If you're ever giving a speech, when you start out, act nervous and get mixed up a little bit. Then, as you go along, get better and better. Then, at the end, give off a white, glowing light and have rays shoot out of you.
ahhhh, behold the power of cheeeese.
current mood:
aggravated
current music: joe just woke me up. bitred on him.
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